The prerequisites of attraction

Last night, while having a quick bowl of Vietnamese noodles after a late night at work, Daniel and Andrew accused me of liking ugly men. They were recounting and describing characteristics that I "supposedly" have revealed about my ideal type of guy (after a few drinks on a Friday night no doubt) - and here are the items described (in no particular order):

1. Caucasian (that is no longer true after seeing Chi Cao in Mao's Last Dancer the movie - twice!);
2. Tall (I think there's something very cute about a tall white guy with a small asian girl together);
3. Intelligent (more intelligent than me; or at least be knowledgeable and be able to converse intellectually with me on a variety of topics?);
4. Loves God (in a more serious conversation I would expand, but essentially, this person must appreciate and value the "depth of who I am" and understand the core of me - and God is at the epicentre of that); ... and
5. (according to Daniel) - UGLY.

Hang on a minute, I highly doubt that I would have said ugly or unattractive. OF COURSE I would have to be attracted to him and feel some sense of connection, but he just doesn't have to be HOT. Part of that (admittedly) is the stereotype in my mind that "hot guys" tend to be grossly arrogant - an attribute which turns me off completely. Ewww. (Except maybe the cute guy from level 7 - which proves there's always an exception as he is both very cute and very nice.) If I may elaborate - he just needs to be cute / attractive in his own way. Thinking someone good looking is one thing, and being attracted to and wanting to be with them is something else entirely.

And this reminds me of conversations with single friends quite recently about their "top 3 characteristics for the ideal mate". First conversation was with a bunch of mostly male friends @ Ruco (at Grand Hyatt - one of my favourite bars in the Melbourne CBD - completely classy, with the ground to ceiling clear glass wine cellar being my favourite feature of the venue.) Someone joked that one of the guys likes girls who would look good in school uniform (now, these guy friends are not the crude type at all - they were just teasing him about liking girls that look young! lol) Confidence (for the shyer / quieter guys), independence (for the recently single-again guy) and not being high-maintenance were also top picks. As was attractiveness...

At this point, I must explain that I'm currently caught in the in-between space of jaded cynicisms ("hmph, for guys, attraction is always number one - so typical!") and naivity verging on ignorance ("...people value inner beauty, not just looks"). I don't think it's good to be in either boat.

Second conversation was with an all girls uni friends group - and the interesting thing about the characteristics that everyone said about their ideal mate - it's just soooo like them. E.g. my friend the awesome swing dancer would struggle with someone who is not coordinated or doesn't dance; my other friend the dietician would strongly prefer someone who loves food (and apparently, a small cringe factor / weird thing about them - and at this point, one of the other girls jumped in and said "how about NO cringe factor!?!").. lol. I love these girls.

And of course it's completely possible (and likely) that NONE of us would end up with the type of guy we prefer or had imagined. God's humour is sometimes like that.

Anyway, my intention is not for this to become a long drawn out discussion about relationships (not now anyway), but simply to jot down a couple of recent thoughts and conversation bits about attraction. So I might just end now with something I was telling one of my guy friends on the issue - I want to discover that "heart beat feeling" again. Perhaps it's something that I haven't felt for a long long time, or perhaps I have never really felt it. ... crazy, reckless (but not irresponsible), passionate, intense, all-in kinda feeling... for me, that's the "X factor" for attraction...